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Confessions of a Rate Tart

The interviewee’s identity has been obscured for their own protection

I have 26 bank accounts. I never meant for it to happen but it has. Fourteen are current accounts, eight savings, and four are cash ISAs.

That’s not counting the credit cards, broker accounts and other stuff I can’t remember any more.

For a long time it seemed normal. I only realised I was different when it slipped out recently in conversation. One friend said they were shocked.

That’s when I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw what they saw.

I’m a rate tart. I open bank accounts for money. For their competitive rates of interest. Once they’ve outlived their usefulness, I move on to the next. No emotion, no goodbyes, no looking back.

It’s just a transaction, right?

You know you want it

Nobody starts out thinking, “I want a massive collection of bank accounts.” You don’t think to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be great if I was the Imelda Marcos of online passwords?”

You start off small-time:

“I just want to get ahead.”

“I won’t have to do this forever.”

“It’s easy money.”

“Just one more won’t make any difference.”

And it’s so easy to find everything you need to get into it.

A Best Buy table puts you in touch with the right people. Even if you only look at it once a month, temptation soon comes your way.

And if you’re nervous – maybe it’s your first time – there are plenty of old hands out there to show you the tricks. You’ve just got to know where to look.

You open your first account and they pay you a sweetener to lure you in. An extra £100 or so because you’re fresh.

In the early days I was pulling down a few hundred extra quid a year in bounties alone.

But by the time you’re using a spreadsheet to keep track of it all, and standing orders to keep the money moving, and Google alerts so you don’t stay in the same place for too long…

…well, you know you’re not with Virgin anymore.

The rules of the game

I guess a lot of people don’t even know it’s possible to live like this. I read the stories in the papers about people getting 0.25% on their money and I laugh.

It’s not like that where I’m from. I can get you 3%, 4% easy.

It seems like a no-brainer when you put it that way. But not everyone could live the way I do.

There’s a price to pay, y’know? You’ve got to do certain things.

You need a bit of capital for a start.

£1,000 that you move from Peter to Paul – because you’re using current accounts as savings accounts. It sounds wrong, but that’s the way the world is these days. I didn’t make the rules, I’m just showing you how to work ‘em.

So everyone wants a piece of the pie, but you just give them the same old slice and keep it moving through the system so they don’t notice. Or maybe they do notice, I don’t know.

What I do know is: they don’t care.

Some places, the more ‘respectable’ ones, they like to make things harder. They want extras like direct debits on every account.

That’s easy. Just use a feeder savings account that sets up direct debits. There aren’t many, but you can find them, and you just channel £1 a time from one account to the other and back again. It’s like plumbing.

And if someone offers you a complimentary regular savings account – take it. You can get up to 6%! Sure, it’s only on a small bit of money, and they’re not as easy to get now, but you might as well take everything you can get.

Don’t forget cashback. Generally only the Spanish ones are into this, but look, as you get older you can’t afford to be too fussy, alright?

Money for old rope

What most people don’t realise is that you can double-dip. Triple-dip even.

Let’s say you can get 3% from a prospect but only up to £5K. They might allow you to open multiple accounts. Now you can get a good rate on £15K.

And the same people might go by a different name, so you can stash away another £15K.

And maybe they have yet another name. It’s more common than you might think. Everyone’s got something to hide, but that’s another story. Anyway that’s another £15K taken care of.

Just be careful you know who’s who and never trust anyone with more than £85K, no matter how many IDs they’ve got.

It helps if you’ve got a partner. It’s more lucrative if you work in pairs, y’know? You can cover more ground, recommend a friend, all that.

But even that will cost you. After a while, your ‘friend’ may not thank you for dragging them into your world.

Some people worry about their reputation: ruining their credit score and that kind of thing.

You’ve just got to keep your head down. Take it easy and don’t take on the whole world at once.

Keep it as straight as you can. Ditch old accounts when the interest drops… refuse overdrafts, credit cards, rates that are too good to be true, accounts with benefits… Stay away from the weird stuff, keep on moving, and you’ll be okay.

Don’t judge me

That’s pretty much all you need to know. Maybe more than you wanted to know, right?

Am I proud of it? Listen, I blame the Government. I didn’t ask to live in a zero interest world. Funding for lending has only made things harder.

I didn’t grow up dreaming of this. It’s not how I thought things would turn out.

You’ve just got to do what you’ve got to do. That’s it.

The Confessor

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Weekend reading

Good reads from around the Web.

I miss novels! Sure I can put a tea towel over Twitter, turn the other cheek to Facebook, and watch less funny cat videos on YouTube. That ephemera is easily ignored.

The issue is what my girlfriend calls “side reading”.

I find it impossible these days to read a novel without feeling curious, antsy, or unstimulated, and then reaching for an iPad to look up some bit of detail.

When did the samurai era really end? Can acid dissolve a human body? How close are we to a manned space mission to Mars?

Historical novels, thrillers, science fiction – none of it escapes my Internet-egged-on need to Know Right Now the answer to every question that flutters up.

Perhaps that’s why I found the article on money lessons from fiction posted on Marketwatch so – well – sweet. It’s quaint to imagine learning things from fiction, rather than a blog, a discussion forum, or Khan Academy.

In fact, according to the article novelists warn us that financial bloggers can be downright dangerous:

Don’t expect to find explicit tips on spending, saving and investing baked into the texts like messages in fortune cookies.

Novelists and dramatists seem suspicious if not disdainful of those who dole out advice about money — which is perhaps why, when they do offer worthwhile personal-finance counsel, the words tend to be put into the mouths of imbeciles.

[continue reading…]

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Weekend reading

Good reads from around the Web.

I hear every day in the news, on CNBC, and even from investors in real-life that the market is “fair value”.

If it’s fairly valued now, then everyone must have thought shares were a screaming buy five years ago at half the price, right?

Sadly, history – or a bit of Googling – and the mere fact that it was 50%-off in the first place tells us otherwise.

One forecaster who does change his mind when his valuation techniques point to under- or over-valuation is Jeremy Grantham, of the US firm GMO.

That’s one reason his quarterly reports are widely read. The other is he’s an excellent (and often funny) writer.

Alas, Grantham isn’t as sanguine as all those fair weather fellows I keep hearing from. GMO’s famous 7-year forecast (via TRB) looks decidedly sickly for equities and bonds in its latest incarnation, especially in the US.

Only timber is predicted to offer a really decent return, and it’s hard to buy a forest:

Click to see the big (miserable) picture.

Click to see the big (miserable) picture.

Are Grantham and his number-crunchers right?

For my part I still have my doubts about this “new normal” of years of miserably low returns from equities, but they are certainly far more likely from here – after a 50-100% move higher – than back when the worrywarts first started predicting them a few years ago… 😉

But outside of the expensive-looking US I’d still plump for… fair value. (For what it’s worth, which is no more than anybody’s finger in the air).

Third time unlucky

Grantham isn’t any sort of perma-bear – he said shares were cheap in 2008 and 2009. In his new quarterly letter [PDF] he explains the trouble he sees ahead, which he blames on low interest rates from central banks:

My personal guess is that the U.S. market, especially the non-blue chips, will work its way higher, perhaps by 20% to 30% in the next year or, more likely, two years, with the rest of the world including emerging market equities covering even more ground in at least a partial catch-up.

And then we will have the third in the series of serious market busts since 1999 […]

In our view, prudent investors should already be reducing their equity bets and their risk level in general.

One of the more painful lessons in investing is that the prudent investor (or “value investor” if you prefer) almost invariably must forego plenty of fun at the top end of markets.

Most Monevator readers are mainly passive investors (I hope) and shouldn’t take this as a call to change asset allocations – doubly so if this is the first you’ve heard of Mr. Grantham!

Valuing the market is impossibly tough, and forecasts from anyone are extremely unreliable. If you’re fascinated by investing and can adopt the appropriate air of amused intellectual detachment then it can be fun to follow and make predictions, but for very few people is market timing a route to extra riches.

There’s also the issue of how would you rearrange things anyway, assuming you’re already well-diversified? The returns graph above shows not much is predicted to do well, and a quick 20-30% missed from equity returns could take decades to recover in cash or bonds at today’s rates, leaving you banking on a crash. Probably best not to play that game, and keep focused on the long-term. It might be best to use any extra free cash to pay down your mortgage, or even to invest in non-financial assets like professional qualifications or similar.

At the least though, Grantham’s message is a good reminder to stick to your plan and not start chasing what nearly everyone finally seems happy to call a bull market in equities.

[continue reading…]

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Spot The Investor in his far-flung bunker in early 2004

Back in late 2003, I decided I wasn’t ready to gamble all my savings1 on what seemed to me to be a crazy house price bubble.

Instead, I decided to invest most of my money in the stock market.

Given my woeful misjudging of London property prices (they went on to double) I’m probably lucky I fancied myself as a stock picker rather than a real estate tycoon.

Here are a few lines from the investment diary I began at the same time:

“I think that we are about to see the market tick up again. I think terrorism is priced into the market, that after three years the worst is over, and that now is a good time to invest, particularly for the long term. I can’t keep writing ‘touchwood’, so assume that’s a standing thing for this entire investment log!”

I intended to be a pure tracker fund investor – pretty radical back in 2003.

However I did also buy some experiment blue chip shares for income, and over time these and later small caps, investment trusts, and eventually all sorts of securities both here and abroad captured my imagination.

Active investing had weaved its magic on me.

I don’t write much about my active investing on Monevator. Mainly that’s because I think few people should do it, and that the reasons why you might are nothing to do with planning for a comfortable retirement.

I pick shares for the fun, the challenge, and because I seem to be compelled to. Most people should invest passively, but increasingly I don’t.

As Walt Whitman wrote:

“Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.”

With that wealth warning and the pretentious poetry out of the way, here’s a few things I’ve learned that might be useful whether you’re a passive or an active investor.2

Maybe these are all obvious to you, and I was a bit slow on the uptake. Or perhaps you need to live through some things to really understand them.

1. It will happen again

When I first started learning about investing, I thought I’d arrived late to the party. Everyone was licking their wounds from the dotcom bubble, and everyone knew Warren Buffett’s maxims about being greedy when others are fearful.

There seemed little to do but hand over my money to the robots.

How wrong could I be? If anything people are forgetting faster nowadays. Within a few years of my starting, we were neck deep again in a bear market that had its roots in excessive risk, and equities were supposedly dead as an asset class.

It’s all happened before. It will happen again. People don’t change.

2. Not everyone is contrarian

The day I left school, I walked out of the back gates while everyone signed each other’s shirts at the front. I had friends, but I was no friend of school. I hated being told what to do, what to think, and when to do it.

Throughout my adult life I’ve regularly made the case for unpopular or even unpleasant notions. I wasn’t always right, but that isn’t the point.

“Look around this table,” an exasperated friend once said. “Can’t you see that every single one of us disagrees with you?”

She meant it as an appeal to switch sides. That sort of thing just makes me dig in harder.

Lots of investors say and even believe they’re contrarians, but they’re not really – they just think the popular and cool kids are contrarians. They think this while following the crowd.

I’ve had to endure a bit of flak in real-life for my willful ways. I’m essentially unemployable in a conventional office environment.

But in investing, being awkward and independent is a boon.

3. The bear case always sounds smarter

Perhaps it’s a product of being invested in a decade defined by various crashes and calamities, but being contrarian while I’ve been an investor has often meant being positive about the future.

In my experience, many people – particularly the 50-something males who dominate investing, both professional and amateur – think being contrarian means thinking the West is doomed, that productivity is dead, that the stock market is done with, and so on.

The adage that the bear case always sounds smarter is a rare case of something I decided for myself – rather than reading it first – although I soon discovered that wiser minds had reached the same conclusion long before.

I don’t know why it’s true, but it is. People are drawn to doom mongers and see the logic in their every utterance. Just look at the almost invariably gloomy news headlines – those editors know what people want to hear.

Perhaps it’s to do with our biologically driven risk aversion3.

The irony is you can waste a lot of time and lose or at least forgo a lot of money by being a pessimist when investing.

There’s always a good home for your money somewhere.

4. It’s okay to sell shares

As a newbie, I was much taken with Warren Buffett’s supposedly favourite holding period: Forever.

Later on I learned Buffett often didn’t invest like that, and neither would I.

I still see the logic of buy-and-forget for certain kinds of portfolios, particularly if you want to be a stock picker for whatever reason and yet you only have limited time, interest, or application. (In most cases then you’d be better off being passive, but that’s another 900 articles…)

These days though, I revel in the joy of selling shares.

I won’t debate running winners versus cutting losers, or how you never went broke taking a profit. All the adages are true, and contradictory.

I’ve lost all the money I put into one company, and one share I sold is up at least 20-fold last I looked. This sort of thing happens to you if you actively invest long enough.

What I will say though is I love the feeling of going to cash. All the risk evaporated in an instant, until the next opportunity-cum-booby-trap.

If I could get 8% on cash in a tax shelter in a 3% inflation world, then for all my love of shares I’d probably go 50% cash tomorrow.

5. Compound interest works. It really does.

It’s a daunting climb when you first set off towards your investment goal, whether it’s financial freedom, early retirement – or being able to pack up work at all.

But it gets easier. Honestly!

The great thing is that your money starts to do the heavy lifting for you. Eventually your portfolio goes up and down in a few weeks by amounts that would have taken months if not years to save.

This is mathematically obvious. If you earn say £40,000 a year and you can save £4,000 a year, then when your portfolio is £80,000 in size, a mere 5% fluctuation equates to your annual savings. Over the years, your money compounds copiously.

Still, seeing is believing. I recommend it.

6. It pays to pay attention to taxes early

I’ve written a lot of posts about taxes and investing because I have a fair amount of money outside of ISAs and SIPPs, and it causes me headaches every year. I’d rather you avoided them.

Nowadays I fill my ISAs religiously, but I didn’t open any until 2003.

I’ve been shoveling money over as fast as I can each year, but it’s clear that short of retreating to an Ashram and renouncing all worldly work, I’ll never get all my money tax sheltered.

That means faffing around to try to avoid capital gains taxes, taxes on dividends, and so forth, and it has entailed long fiddly submissions to the Inland Revenue.

Utterly annoying.

Some people criticise my emphasis on reducing or avoiding taxes. Good for them if they can afford to forego the thumping great swathes that taxes will chew out of their investment returns, on top of whatever income tax they pay on earnings. It’s enormous.

I can’t, and most of you can’t either. So think about taxes early.

7. The market is not completely efficient

I don’t have much to say about this. I’ve read the literature. I know that some academics will disagree with me and say I didn’t see all the risks, or that I was being paid to supply liquidity, or whatever.

But if you’re any “good” at active investing – itself a rightly controversial subject, and in most cases probably synonymous with luck – then you eventually see too many signs of the inefficient market to put it in the same box as pink elephants, the yeti, and Father Christmas.

That’s not to say you or I can profit from market inefficiencies.

I’ll not be completely sure whether I’m a good investor for as long as I live, whatever returns I post. Some say even the acknowledged greats would need to re-run several more lifetimes to be certain.

But I am sure the market is not efficient.

8. Everyone always saw it coming

Given all the doom-mongering out there, it’s inevitable that there’s someone who predicted whatever crash or catastrophe last hit us, or whatever one is around the corner.

True, they often spoke years too soon, and there are rarely very many of them – certainly compared to the vast number of people who claim they saw it all coming once it has actually come.

It’s the same with good news. Most fund managers only bet on shares going up, so if there’s a new tech revolution or a banking renaissance or whatever, then some handful of people will have opined upon it beforehand in a note or an interview, even if most of us dismissed it as a fad.

When I began investing, I thought everyone had much more foresight than me.

Hah!

After I wised up I’d get really infuriated by this retrospective brilliance – until I realized that most of them genuinely believed their memories of their accurate forecasts to be true. Such self-delusion must be another of those cognitive bequests from evolution.

I’m sure I do it to. But I also write a blog, so at least you can see some of my bad calls alongside my good ones.

The bad entries are a usefully humbling antidote should anything be going too good for five minutes.

9. Many shall be restored that are now fallen

Ben Graham, the man who taught value investing to Warren Buffett, touted this quote from Horace:

“Many shall be restored that are now fallen, and many shall fall that are now in honor.”

Graham was talking about value stocks that come back from the dead. Horace was talking about words and poetry.

No matter, they’re both right. People are creatures of fashion, and we’re all subject to economic cycles.

As I put it less poetically: Never say never again.

10. Barring a revolution, this is going to work

While I’m an optimist when it comes to investing, I’m a gloomy old soul when it comes my personal circumstances.

I’ve few doubts that when I hit my goal of complete financial freedom, the 99% will rise up and tax or take it away from me.

Just my luck! After 30 years of capitalism, a frugal saver who happened to learn the ropes will be first up against the wall.

An indebted peasant’s revolt aside (and touch wood – illness or misfortune can strike at any time and is the sort of thing we should really spend our time worrying about), I can now see that this self-directed investing lark is very likely going to work out for me.

In fact, my problem is more likely to be remembering why I was doing it, because I’ve grown to enjoy it so much for its own sake.

My capital has increased six-fold since 2003, through a mixture of saving and investing returns. The Accumulator warned me earlier this year that there was no way I was going to liquidate a big chunk of my portfolio to buy a house – because he knows I’ve grown to love running what he calls my “DIY hedge fund”.

That tells you that The Accumulator is as astute about people as he is about cheap discount brokers. (You should hear him on Prussian military history).

I couldn’t imagine in 2003 that investing would become such a passion that a decade later I’d be spending dozens of hours a week on it, willingly and with a smile on my face.

Be careful what websites you read. Next up it could be you!

  1. I’d already squirreled away multiples of my post-tax annual income. []
  2. i.e. This is not what I’ve learned about reading a balance sheet, or about returns on incremental capital, or about subordinated debt, et cetera et cetera! []
  3. Although we don’t seem to be able to apply our desire for survival to genuinely important risks, like the degradation of the environment. []
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